Thank you for signing up for Digital-Detox Camp! In just a few weeks, youâll be joining dozens of like-minded digital detoxers for seven days of technology-free, gadget-free fun. Think of it as summer camp for grownups, a breather from our tech-addicted culture, or just a final desperate attempt to stop obsessing over Facebook photos of Steveâs new fiancÃ©e.
The camp address will be provided forty-eight hours before departure, whispered into your ear by a passerby. We recommend using a paper map to navigate to the campgrounds, but if you must use G.P.S. please unplug the device as you approach the site. Then roll down your car window and let it tumble gently from your hands. Watch it recede into the distance in your rearview mirror, almost as though it never existed. If you need directions home at the end of your stay, a camp staffer will be happy to provide you with a wise nod and the reassurance that you already know how to find what youâre looking for.
At the camp, meals are a chance to reconnect with ourselves and with others. That means seasonal, organic food and, most important, no distractions! Rather than sitting in front of a TV or playing with your phone while you eat, you will be assigned a dining companion whose only job is to look you directly in the mouth as you chew your meal. Please alert us ahead of time if you have any dietary restrictions or allergies. Weâre happy to accommodate any camper, though meat eaters will be looked down upon and not provided with any floss.
No alarm clocks here! Weâll awake every morning to a sunrise so beautiful that youâd cut off your hands to be able to Instagram it, wouldnât you, you garbage monster?
Youâll begin each day with a guided mindfulness exercise led by Randy, who has twenty years of experience as a âmarketing ninjaâ and just learned what mindfulness is three days ago. Then go play! The camp is set up for everything from relay races to scavenger hunts, so you can disconnect, let loose, and pray that youâreÂ picked to be on someoneâsÂ team. Arts and crafts lovers, youâll get to work with your hands, creating watercolor paintings and jewelry that will be lit on fire and burned to ash in front of you as a reminder that, because of your addiction to all things digital, your inner child isnât here at this friendship-bracelet workshop, or at this six-thousand-seven-hundred-and-fifty-dollarÂ retreat, and is, in fact, possibly gone forever. Note: art supplies must be purchased separately and are non-refundable.
Untether yourself from your Spotify gym playlist. When you take a fitness class at Digital-Detox Camp, youâre not just exercising your body; youâre granting your mind the freedom to unplug from all that chatter and focus solely on your sweaty, contorting body in the floor-to-ceiling mirrors. Class options include Asana Through Your Existential Despair, Free Swim Out of Imposter Syndrome, and Hula Hoop Away the Life You Planned with Steve.
Leave FOMO at the door! Youâll be assigned a locker for your phone and any other electronics upon your arrival. Theyâll be returned to you immediately before your departureâyour Candy Crush score a little higher than you remember and your Kindle smudged with strange fingerprints. As your car pulls through our gates and out onto the dusty dirt road, youâll think you hear something: a voice that sounds sort of like Randyâs, soft and careful, as evanescent as the wind, imploring, âTake me with you.â